Word peeves 2

Here and there. Go and are. Simple words used everyday. Sometimes, though, they don't make any sense when you really think about it. You can be here or be there. Or go here or go there. You are here and you are there, all based on your physical proximity. But somehow these easy and common words are misused, if you think about it.

Scenario #1: You're sitting at Denny's with some friends and you just ordered their Grand Slam breakfast or whatever. The waitress leaves to place the order with the cook. You sit and chat while you're waiting, and before long, the waitress returns with your meal. As she places the dish in front of you she says, "Here you go."

Now think about this for a minute. You haven't really gone anywhere, have you? You're still there. Why did she say that? I like to reply to the waitress' statement with, "I'm not going anywhere. My breakfast is here." I usually get a blank stare and a grumble.

Scenario #2: The waitress returns with the meal, places it in front of you and says, "Here you are."

Once again, think about this. Did she get lost with my meal? Did she forget where I was sitting? I can imagine the Flying Dutchwoman waitress carrying around a plate of eggs and accoutrements wandering aimlessly through the restaurant looking for some clue that would remind her who ordered the breakfast.

Scenario #3: You go to the bank to make a withdrawal or the mall to purchase some goods. The money changes hands, the register churns out a receipt. The person hands it to you and says, "There you go."

You haven't gone anywhere. You've been standing right there the whole time. It is true, however, that you may now "go" somewhere now that the transaction is completed. You know where you are going but the sales person does not. I usually reply with, "And here I go." Then leave.

Scenario #4: You're having a little get-together at your house and you've invited at least one person who's never been to your house before. You're all laughing, drinking beer and having a great time. Your visitor approaches you and says: "Dude, I gotta go."

Is he not having a good time? Is there an emergency and he has to leave? Maybe he doesn't remember where the front door is. Or does he just have to pee and can't find the can?

I guess these are just some colloquialisms that people use to convey a sense of congeniality and politeness during the course of performing daily mundane tasks. Everybody uses these short verbal comments perhaps many times on a daily basis. They are generally not meant to confuse but to be nice. It's a way of saying something without communicating. They don't mean anything.

Think about how difficult it could be to explain these little statements to someone who was just learning English. Inevitably, that person would come to the conclusion that English is probably the weirdest language ever to come out of the Tower of Babel incident. Personally, I'd have to agree.

So, here you are. I gotta go.

Top Gun Motors

We've all seen those late night TV commercials where this goofball car dealership owner/spokesman goes through weird gyrations just to keep you tuned in for the entire ad. I found this one recently and, although the quality is less than perfect, the whole premise makes for a hilarious video.

It's also a bit reminiscent of that Carlsberg beer and Mentos vid from awhile back. Enjoy.

Simpsonize yourself

There's an interesting website you all might enjoy. You can upload a photo of yourself and the site will turn your visage into a Simpsons charicature. I think that's me next door.

If you want to save your Simpsonized self to your computer, you will have to set up a free account, but it's basically harmless and certainly a lot of fun.

Check it out here and have fun.

Y'all come back now, y'hear?

Monster

The one thing that caught my eye in this photo was the size of the rear tire. JEE-Zus! Then, in contrast, the photographer posed this rather svelte babe straddling the bike.

If you look closely, you'll see the V8 emblem above the rear fender. Interesting. Now I have a bunch of questions floating around in my head about engine size, cooling, top speed, curb weight, etc.

I'll scour the neighborhood and report back when I get some more info on this beast.

Do-it-yourself aluminum siding

An ingenious chap decides to aluminize the exterior of his house. What new design does he use? Why, crushed beer cans, of course. Virtually free and he "manufactured" the siding himself by drinking each and every beer used. All 39,000 of them!

Read about beer can house and others here.

Layba day

I hope you all enjoyed your Labor Day weekend. Three glorious days off! Ahh. But Tuesday is the day that we all return to labor at our jobs, if we are fortunate enough to have a job and a way to get there.

My family spent the weekend in St. Louis and had a blast. Went to a Minor League baseball game and had the run of a "private" open-air suite.

We sent the rolls of film we snapped off to the Rexall drug store to be developed and they should be ready soon. I'll post some pictures here when I get the prints.