Feb-yoo-ary. Glad it's over.

We've been through 29 days of the same crap. It has nothing to do with the weather. Well, maybe a little, but it's really the news announcers, degreed individuals, executives and other seemingly knowledgeable people mispronouncing the name of the month.

Just like hearing the President say "nuke-yoo-ler" over and over, it seems that the vast majority of Americans mispronounce the month and say "feb-yoo-ary".

I've had it. I've quit correcting people because it does no good. People always frown when I do and I just can't understand why. I'm just trying to help. The heck with them lummoxes for another year.

It's finally over. Ol' feb-yoo-ary will be gone by the end of the day. Good riddance! And take all yer cold, snowy, windy weather with you. How can the shortest month of the year take almost an infinity to end? Let us all welcome March. One syllable, five letters all wrapped up nicely and neatly in a small package.

Next year, I hope to champion a new cause. I shall call it, "Put the 'brew' back in February!" (patent pending) Isn't that nice? Beer and a bad month in one. They both need each other.

Watch for it next year on an Internet near you.

Illinois pronunciation law

THE "S" IN ILLINOIS LAW

11.08.2004.1 - ILLINOIS - THE STATE OF ILLINOIS WAS FOUND OVER A CENTURY AGO. SINCE THEN, THERE HAS BEEN A COMMON MISCONCEPTION ABOUT ITS NAME. EVERYONE IN THAT LIVES IN THAT STATE PRONOUNCES ILLINOIS AS "ill-i-noy."


11.08.2004.2 - OUTSIDERS - EVERY OTHER PERSON, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU CORRECT THEM, WANT TO PRONOUNCE OUR STATE AS "ill-i-noise." WHEN WE TRY TO POLITELY CORRECT THEM, THEY INSIST ON CORRECTING US. ILLINOI-AMERICAN(S) ARE TIRED OF IT. IT IS NOW TIME TO TAKE OUR NAME BACK. IT IS TIME FOR ILLINOI-AMERICA TO GET RID OF THESE ESS-IRS RJ-45 LAW HAS NOW OUTLAWED PRONOUNCING THE "s" IN ILLINOIS

11.08.2004.3 - PENALTIES - THIS IS THE PENALTY THAT WILL OCCUR FOR EVERY OFFENSE OF BEING AN ESS-IR:

3.1 - FIRST OFFENSE: $50,000 FINE
3.2 - SECOND OFFENE: VOCAL CORD SCRAPING
3.3 - THIRD OFFENSE: VOCAL CORD ADJUSTMENT
3.4 - FOURTH OFFENSE: EXECUTION

11.08.2004.4 - JUSTIFICATION IN SELF-DEFENSE - MEMBERS OF THE ILLINOIS COMMUNITY WILL NOW DECREE JUSTIFICATION FOR BATTERY/THEFT/MURDER ON ANYONE WHO DOES IN FACT DECIDE THAT THEY STILL WANT TO PRONOUNCE "s." IT IS NOW PERFECTLY LEGAL TO KILL THESE PEOPLE. AS A STATE, WE MUST PROTECT OUR HOMELAND SECURITY. OUR NAME ALONE IS OUR SECURITY...OUR IDENTITY, WHO WE ARE... ... ...

End RJ-45 Law Section 11.08.2004

(The preceding post is meant to only be taken as sardonic entertainment value and not to be taken as actual law. RJ-45 Law is not any actual law...whether that be local, national, or international law. RJ-NET.BLOG, RJ-45, and the associates of RJ-NET.BLOG does not condone or encourage any immoral, unethical, and illegal behavior.)

(Source)

(My apologies for the all-caps. This is cited as-is. Too lazy to retype it. - FCG)

Word peeves 4

I have come across a few more of these gems. One which is used incorrectly, two which are typically used correctly but don't seem right to me when analyzed, and one which shows up startlingly often and must stop at once!

Anti-climatic. If something should be exciting or amazing and just falls short, it is anti-climactic. Anti-climax. The first example would be an instance of no weather.

Have to. I have to mail this bill. This kills me as an English major. Have is a verb, and to [anything] is the infinitive form of a verb. You can't verb a verb. I know what happened, have is a substitute for need or must. I must mail this bill, I need (shudder) to mail this bill. You can't have to something. You can have the need. I think this is where the phrase got contracted.

Used to. This is also awkward to me. I am used to the pain by now. Literally speaking, this indicates that the pain considers me used. If I had it my way, everyone would say: "I am familiar with [insert sensation, etc.]."

Last time I checked. I hate Barry Bonds. Hate him. Even before he got jacked out of his mind on steriods and Human Growth Hormone and began hitting home runs at an inhuman rate (which incidentally, he may not be human anymore), he was a pompous, arrogant, racist prick. But I digress. On March 9th, 2006, during a post-preseason game interview, reporters continually asked Barry about the book Game of Shadows, which shed light on his use of performance enhancing drugs. Barry agreed to speak about baseball, nothing else. When probed about the book, Barry replied: "Is that a baseball question? Is that a baseball question? Because last time I checked, that wasn't a baseball question." Nobody had a clever retort for that, but I wish just one of the reporters had asked Barry exactly when was the last time he checked to make sure that it wasn't a baseball question. Barry didn't check, because the question had just been posed to him. I have heard this phrase many times since then, and it whips me into a self-righteous frenzy hell-bent on finding out exactly when was the last time anyone checked.

Word peeves 3

Ahh, more word peeves, different author! It was only a matter of time before I, as an English major, would make a post about grammar.

Perhaps you've heard someone use the following terms, or used them yourself. If you have, shame on you! But there is help, just pay attention.

In back of. "This guy in back of me is really annoying." Nope. The guy behind you is really annoying. Just remember the key word here is IN. Inside, but in the rear. I keep tools in the back of my station wagon, but keep the station wagon behind my garage.

Times by. "Just take the length, times it by the width, and you get the square footage." NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!! Multiply it. You can divide by, but you can not times by.

Squashed. "Man, you can't arrest me, I had that warrant squashed!" No, you squashed that bug, but you quashed the warrant. And in most cases, you really didn't.

Less vs. Fewer. "There are less noticeable blemishes after using Acme acne wash." "There are fewer noticeable blemishes after using Acme acne wash." See the difference? The first sentence implies that the blemishes are still there, just not as noticeable. Think degree vs. number. Less for degree, fewer for number. After losing weight, you have less fat. Fewer pounds.

Only. "I'm only happy when it rains." So that means the singular emotion you feel when it rains is happy. You feel nothing more. It should be: "I'm happy only when it rains." When it rains, I feel happy, but never anytime else. "I only have eyes for you." I don't have thoughts or feelings for you, though.

Need. "You need to fix the broken window." and "The broken window needs to be fixed." I don't see the need in either instance. I need only (ah, see what I did there?) air, food, water and shelter. That window is an inanimate object. It has no needs, and no way to express any if it did. And if your wife uttered those sentences, she probably wants, not needs.

And finally, one I heard on an infomercial. Just be a sap and send away some money to find out how to work at home and live an extravagant lifestyle by doing nothing. All the characters tell us how much money they make on a daily/weekly/monthly basis now that they know the secret. One dude said: "Last year, I made over 100 thousand dollars a year!" I'm sending that one back to the Department of Redundancy Department.

Word peeves 2

Here and there. Go and are. Simple words used everyday. Sometimes, though, they don't make any sense when you really think about it. You can be here or be there. Or go here or go there. You are here and you are there, all based on your physical proximity. But somehow these easy and common words are misused, if you think about it.

Scenario #1: You're sitting at Denny's with some friends and you just ordered their Grand Slam breakfast or whatever. The waitress leaves to place the order with the cook. You sit and chat while you're waiting, and before long, the waitress returns with your meal. As she places the dish in front of you she says, "Here you go."

Now think about this for a minute. You haven't really gone anywhere, have you? You're still there. Why did she say that? I like to reply to the waitress' statement with, "I'm not going anywhere. My breakfast is here." I usually get a blank stare and a grumble.

Scenario #2: The waitress returns with the meal, places it in front of you and says, "Here you are."

Once again, think about this. Did she get lost with my meal? Did she forget where I was sitting? I can imagine the Flying Dutchwoman waitress carrying around a plate of eggs and accoutrements wandering aimlessly through the restaurant looking for some clue that would remind her who ordered the breakfast.

Scenario #3: You go to the bank to make a withdrawal or the mall to purchase some goods. The money changes hands, the register churns out a receipt. The person hands it to you and says, "There you go."

You haven't gone anywhere. You've been standing right there the whole time. It is true, however, that you may now "go" somewhere now that the transaction is completed. You know where you are going but the sales person does not. I usually reply with, "And here I go." Then leave.

Scenario #4: You're having a little get-together at your house and you've invited at least one person who's never been to your house before. You're all laughing, drinking beer and having a great time. Your visitor approaches you and says: "Dude, I gotta go."

Is he not having a good time? Is there an emergency and he has to leave? Maybe he doesn't remember where the front door is. Or does he just have to pee and can't find the can?

I guess these are just some colloquialisms that people use to convey a sense of congeniality and politeness during the course of performing daily mundane tasks. Everybody uses these short verbal comments perhaps many times on a daily basis. They are generally not meant to confuse but to be nice. It's a way of saying something without communicating. They don't mean anything.

Think about how difficult it could be to explain these little statements to someone who was just learning English. Inevitably, that person would come to the conclusion that English is probably the weirdest language ever to come out of the Tower of Babel incident. Personally, I'd have to agree.

So, here you are. I gotta go.

Word peeves

Word peeves. I love that name. Word peeves are words that people say that are wrong. Or mispronounced. Regional colloquialism comes into play here. Words that get their meaning across but it grates on the ears of those knowing listeners when these most common words of the English language are just not spoken correctly. I'm not dissing the British or the Canadians or any other culture. Words like "theatre" or "colour" are perfectly alright. It's just the spelling that's different connoting a geographic location.

This has nothing to do with spelling. This is all about speaking the most common words we use everyday. I read blogs and visit websites every day and I'm surprised at just how much wrong stuff is misspelled. We can rant and rave about spelling errors all we want but our kids still grow up with a phonetic ear instead of a correct pencil. During conversations with people at work and in public, it amazes me that a lot of folks speak words wrong. Maybe they just haven't "lernt right". One can discern some origin and territorial and educational information about a person just by having a conversation with the person.

I understand that folks may just "not know any better," but this is no excuse. When newscasters and sports announcers mispronounce words, how many times do you want to tell your buddies or your girl just what an idiot the announcer really is. After all, he's getting the big bucks, right? Why can't he pronounce words correctly? Is pronunciation a requirement to graduate from college? I guess not.

Our own President is often heard pronouncing "new-kya-ler" instead of "new-clee-er". This has been the brunt of smiles and jokes in the media and perhaps even in Britain. I actually heard Mike Ditka, at a preseason football game a few seasons ago, claim that the new Bears quarterback was "hair apparent" (heir apparent) to fill the shoes of the past player. We all knew what he meant. But maybe he just "lernt wrong." He is, after all, "Da Coach."

For now, I'll give you ten words that are most commonly mispronounced. To me it seems a little sad that folks just don't know that they're saying the wrong thing, yet still communicating. Alas.

Asterisk - asterick or astrick
Et Cetera - eck setera
Height - heighth
Across - acrost
Peripheral - perifial
Italian - Eye-talian
Vegetable - vetch-tuh-ble
Recognize - reckonize
Statistic - satistic
Exit - egg-zit

Although you may hear these words and others mispronounced on a daily basis, you'll know. We all know. the speaker of the words lost the way during school when the tongue was developing into maturity.