Happy Birthday, Micro$oft

33 years ago today, Bill Gates and Paul Allen created a fledgling software company called "The Borg" Microsoft. They've since grown to become the largest computer software company in the world and made their founders billionaires in the process. If you had invested in M$ back then, your money would be worth 280 times your initial investment.

Through the years of growth and right up until this very day, Microsoft's business strategies are under constant scrutiny. In many articles one reads concerning the company, one may find the words "monopoly," "anti-trust" and "anti-competitive" in the text. Such a business model, tsk, tsk.

As much as I detest them, I will wish them a Happy Birthday. I was going to buy M$ a birthday present. You know, give them something they don't have. I was going to buy them "Innovation." But alas. Apple has that gift.

Wired has a very short article on the beginnings of the company right here. If you'd like to learn more about about the history of Microsoft and Apple in the early days, I highly recommend you buy or rent the excellent movie The Pirates of Silicon Valley. You'll get some insight and be entertained at the same time.

What's in a Name?

[Editor's note: The following article is a hoax. While it may ring true and make sense, it did not occur. It is a figment of my imagination. Think of it in the same way you'd read an article from the online newspaper, The Onion.]

Ford Issues Recall on SUV Accessory: Name



DETROIT-

Ford Motor Company announced today that the auto manufacturer is renaming a popular option on its crossover SUV, the Edge. The Vista Roof, a panoramic see-through ceiling which extends the length of the roof like a full-size moon roof for greater periphery, is one of the Edge's signature details. However, sales of the Edge screeched to a halt and have totaled zero since first quarter sales projections became available. Ford has identified the introduction of the Microsoft powered Sync music system, a digital database of one's own music collection integrated into the vehicle and accessed through voice commands, as the probable cause for the failure of the vehicle.

"We were extremely baffled to see that sales of the Edge dropped to zero after offering the Sync option," said Ford spokesman Mike Moran. "We thought this voice-activated technology was a cutting-edge, no pun intended. We wished to offer our customers better ways to accessorize their vehicles and easier ways to access their music. The marriage of the two seemed like an innovative direction to take the Edge."

In researching why the Edge failed to sell a single vehicle since the introduction of the Sync system, Ford looked to its sister company to shed some light on the unexplained sales decline. Mercury also offers the Sync powered by Microsoft in several models, but sales have not been negatively affected. When revisiting the Edge itself, Ford officials had an epiphany.

The Vista Roof. Sync powered by Microsoft. The correlation became undeniable.

But before making mass overhauls and removing the Sync system from the Edge, Ford surveyed prospective customers who had been close to purchasing the crossover but declined after a test-drive. "The problem should have been so obvious from the outset, but we were blinded by PC propaganda," said Moran.

According to these polls, 100% of respondents declined to purchase the Edge because of the correlation between Microsoft's Sync and the ill-monikered Vista Roof.

"Vista blows," stated one respondent, who scorned the Edge and opted for a Volkswagen Rabbit instead. "I just can't trust anything Vista is involved with. It completely ruined my laptop!"

Most others surveyed had a similar opinion. "If the roof is powered by Vista, the in-dash iPod thingy probably won't work right," stated another non-buyer. "Putting Microsoft Vista in a vehicle just seems like a recipe for disaster. What if I crash? That Vista Roof will probably be the cause."

Ford tried explaining to prospective customers that Microsoft's Vista Operating System does not run the Sync system, nor does it have any function whatsoever in the SUV or its own internal computer.

"It is simply an unfortunate coincidence the roof has a name similar to the OS," said Moran. "Perhaps it was an oversight during development, but I assure you, the Vista Roof is not powered by Microsoft Vista. I cannot stress that enough." Sales however, remained static.

"The fact of the matter is, Microsoft plus Vista equals an overwhelming negative connotation," said Moran. "We didn't want to further stress our research and advertising budget in trying to convince the public otherwise, so we decided to re-focus our efforts and simply change the name of the roof rather than removing the Microsoft Sync system.

"We decided to re-christen it The Macro Roof. It is large and allows for a fantastic overhead view which magnifies the sky. And quite frankly, it doesn't hurt to try to incorporate the word 'Mac' anywhere we can."

Sales totals were not immediately available following the change.

When asked if Ford had any plans to change from the Microsoft Sync system to something Apple-based if the Macro Roof name fails to lure buyers, Moran dismissed the possibility.

"We had originally approached Apple to design an in-dash music system concept for the Edge, but we were informed they have exclusive deals with General Motors and Toyota. 'Try Microsoft,' they told us. 'They're more Ford's speed.'"

Microsoft - stupid; Apple - smart

Another chapter in the seemingly endless comparison of Microsoft and Apple, and the OS that each is judged by.

A writer for Extreme Tech puts it bluntly:

"Frankly, there's no other way to say this: Microsoft is stupid and Apple is not," Jim Lynch writes for ExtremeTech.

"If you take a look at the history of OS design by each company, it's pretty clear why this is so. Microsoft has historically made an unreliable, ugly, and highly insecure operating system based on its own spaghetti/Swiss cheese code. This is no secret to anyone who has followed the industry or even used Windows on a daily basis. If you are a Windows users you MUST have spyware/virus/malware prevention software or, sooner or later, your machine is going to get nailed," Lynch writes.

We've been saying this all along. For years. And it's still fodder for the tech pubs. Amazing.

You can read a synopsis at MacDailyNews here, or read the entire tech article here.

"Get a Mac" ad shown only at Macworld

This ad was the opener at the Macworld conference yesterday. As far as I know it hasn't been (and maybe won't be) shown on TV.

It's a very big dig on M$ and the crap they put out in 2007.

Yep. Vista.

Watch the ad below.

Bill Gates' last day at M$

Here's a great video of what it's like to be Bill Gates.

This was shown at his last keynote presentation at CES in Las Vegas this week.

I gotta hand it to the guy for poking fun at himself like this. But I imagine that it's really more like him than not.

Quite funny.

Vista compared to hospital leeches

Cracked.com has a pretty interesting article about "Seven things we should pretend never happened."

The one paragraph that nailed it for me big time was their take on Windows Vista. Here's pretty much what they have:






No producer of goods in the history of man has sold so much while caring so little. The combined love and craftsmanship in the every copy of Windows Vista sold in 2007 would roughly equal that put into one toddler's Play-Doh snake. Here was a program with several features, such as a warning box that pops up every five minutes or so to ask you if you're sure you want to do what you're doing, so shamelessly broken that they seemed to have been added on a drunken dare.

Nearly everyone hated Vista, in the way that nearly everyone hates being stabbed. It didn't matter. About 100 million copies of Windows Vista were sold in 2007, because 90 percent of the PCs for sale were already infected with it. Want a new computer? Want to be able to buy software for it? Well, then you don't have a choice.

Vista is one of those things the future will laugh at us for, in the same way we laugh about old hospitals using leeches.

How twoo, how twoo. It's a sad state of affairs when you hear about Windows users who are "upgrading" their Vista machines to XP.

Pfft!

The entire Cracked.com article is here.

Also, and in addition, read how Windows screwed up New York's New Year's fireworks display here.

Vista... say Uncle!

With their lastest "Get a Mac" campaign, Apple's been hammering Microsoft's Vista OS big time.

Here's something different. They placed a video on the CNet site embedded as an ad.

Give it up for Vista.

"Apple will outlast Microsoft" and the MDN

MacDailyNews is my first web visit of every day. I especially like the editorial comments posted by a classic wit of an editor who possesses a biting criticism of all things Microsoft.

One of today's posts was concerning an article a guy wrote wherein he expounds on how Apple will outlive M$ in the marketplace. That of itself is a very interesting read.

But time after time, day in and day out, Mister Softie gets lambasted by the wags at MDN who tell it like it is. Today is no different. It hits the nail right on the head and then countersinks it.

Read the MDN article here. It has a brief snippet of the Apple/M$ article and the editor's comment. The entire article is here.

Then there's the classic retort which is so-o-o true and so very well put. I enclose it here for your perusal.

Someday, the world will look back at the time when Microsoft's OSes dominated the personal computer and laugh (and/or cry) at the sheer folly of it all.

We can almost hear them now: "Can you believe that, no so long ago, 9 out 10 PCs ran Windows?" "ROTFLMAO!" "In the end, you didn't save any money, dummies, plus you lost what you thought you saved a thousand-fold!" "Bill Gates plunged a technologically-naive world into 'The Dark Ages of Personal Computing' with a rickety rip-off of Apple's Mac and then used his ill-gotten proceeds to try to buy his way into sainthood. That didn't work either; at least he was consistent." "Thank God (and Jobs) for Apple!"

Now, Microsoft may very well last for a long time, most likely by running some online ad service or as a holding company or peddling games they didn't come up with, but their dominance of the PC with a badly-executed copy of Apple's Mac, was, is, and will continue to be a nasty mistake that costs far more in real productivity, time, and money than most are willing to admit. This mistake will be corrected over time. In fact, the correction has already begun.

World's largest BSOD

There it is, in all of its radiant beauty, Windows' Blue Screen of Death displayed proudly on a department store in Toronto.

It apparently was like that for days before someone had the nads to pull the plug.

Read a little more at Gizmodo.

New Mac vs. PC ads

Apple has released three new Mac ads and this time they get three good digs in on Vista.


The Podium



The Boxer



The PR Lady



(MacDailyNews)

The fastest Vista laptop to date

PCWorld Magazine did some testing and got some remarkable results. After lining up a few computers from various manufacturers, the loaded up (or had loaded) the Vista OS, and ran the same benchmark test program on all of them.

Astonishingly, they found that the fastest Vista laptop was, in fact, a MacBookPro.

Check out a little blurb here.

(FakeSteve)

Hello from Seattle

On the back of the iPod you will see "Designed by Apple in California".

With the Zune, the message is a little different.

It's just not really the same. Click here to read a little blurb.

Steve Jobs talks about Microsoft

El Jobso was filmed back in 1996 where he made some very interesting and poignant comments concerning Microsoft as a company.

All of the things he said in the video still hold true to this very day.

Here is that video:

'Nuff said!

Great Vista ad

Shown below is a very cool Windows Vista ad from BlimpTV that tells it like it is. It's downright funny and downright true.

You've gotta watch it.


(Via FakeSteve)

The 10 biggest Microsoft screw-ups

Here's one of many articles written about the stuff M$ calls "software". Those of you who are familiar with The Borg will remember these apps, applets and OSes that have caused so many so much frustration.

Apparently, the general computer using public just doesn't know any better.

Get a Mac. It just works.

Link.

Microsoft does it again!

M$ is logging in and changing Windows users' files while they sleep. It's touted as being an "automatic update" but no one knows what else they're doing in there while they're in there.

M$ says that the update is a new version of their Windows Updater software.

The tech community is in an uproar. For M$, it's business as usual.

Read a bit here.

Another Ballmer parody

Here's another viral video of my favorite bufoon CEO, Steve Ballmer.

This time he's plugged into Mel Brooks' "Young Frankenstein".

Young Frankensteve.

If Microsoft was in the construction business

I've scoured the webs and came up with a few pics that typify the M$ style of development and added a little "artistic license" to this theme.

If M$ was in construction, they'd build it, but they just wouldn't "get it".

Please click the links below.

Link 1. Link 2. Link 3. Link 4. Link 5. Link 6. Link 7. Link 8.

Classic Windows quotes

Stumbled upon these two gems:

"The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners."

"Windows Genuine Advantage." Give us a break. It's like a hooker named "Chastity."